I’m not sure how we’ve managed to avoid talking about hugging this long, but we are certainly overdue for it and this post will certainly not be conclusive on subject.

There are very few universal parenting techniques across the broad range of types of special needs (each with their own associated spectrum).  That being said, Hugging is one of the few things that seems to work for almost everyone.  My wife is better with it (and Caleb) than I am.  I’m more in the distraction and tough love school.   But I still believe in hugging.

When Caleb was approved for assisted schooling at the local elementary school, I had a very hard time with it.  Referring back to the Welcome to Holland post, I had spent my life planning to be in “Italy,” and while I had seen “Holland” a few times, I wasn’t really looking to go there.   I decided that it was time to re-evaluate my life and announced to the online communities I was apart of that I would be retiring from those communities.   I knew that a couple from Texas in one of those communities has twin girls that have disabilities.  I talked with them briefly, I was trying to get some travel advice for “Holland” (although I didn’t call it that at the time) and the advice that they gave me that always stayed with me was “Hugs are the answer.”  Time has proven them wise.

Now there seems to be some technique to the hugs that Caleb requires.  Perhaps some of you don’t examine the techniques of your personal interactions this much, but the rest of us could be termed “hug-impaired,” so bear with me.  They are long, tight (but not too tight) hugs.  Ashalon calls it giving him “pressure.”  And the positioning of the arms seems to be mostly upper and center back.   He loves em.  He usually comes and gets a hug from his mommy first thing in the morning.  They have also been known to avert or even help recover him from Melt-downs or upsets.

There are many types of hugging, and we will now reproduce a list of dad-perspective hugging types from Dad-o-matic:

Children:
Daddy’s Home – This is a personal favorite of dads. It only occurs at the end of a long day or when you return from a trip. The excitement and joy embraced in this hug often “quite literally” knocks one off their feet.

I’m sad daddy - There are times that nothing can cure the “sad” but a hug sure comes close. Sad hugs are generally full hugs with constant pressure but don’t contain the excitement that might be experienced in other hugs. The sad hug is honestly as much for the daddy as it is for the child because it gives the daddy something he can “do” to help in the situation.

Middle of the night scared hug – This is hug unfortunately is only given when the daddy is very groggy. Therefore it lacks the immediate emotional attachment that is often associated with hugs. However the emotional impact on the child is tremendous and usually helps the child return to sleep.

You’ve been bad but I love you hug – This is a hug that has to be administered most times a child ends up in trouble. The hug is only administered after the child understands the action they took that was “bad” and why they shouldn’t do it again. The hug provides reassurance that the child can do something wrong but still be loved. On the flip side this hug is often more necessary for the daddy who had to discipline the child.

Random Daddy I love you hug – This is another favorite of many dads. The child will run up to you and randomly give you a hug for seemingly no reason. This hug is often administered by the child from the side. The only problem with this hug type is with children who are approximately 5 years old and their arms happen to be around 3 feet of f the ground. If the dad is not careful he can end up on the ground when receiving this hug.

Baby hug – This hug is administered by the dad to an infant. It includes a big full baby cuddle and some strange language never before spoken by the daddy.

Tickle hug – Tickle hugs are a fun, laughter filled hug that are often asked for again and again. Daddies must be careful with this hug as intelligent children will often use this hug to procrastinate bedtime, or other unwanted activities.

Good night hug – Nuf’ said.

Go to work hug – Don’t forget this hug. It is very important and you will be called back if you are in a rush to get out the door to administer the hug. It’s much smarter to administer the hug without having to be asked. However if you do overlook this hug because you are in a rush and are called back you make up for it by calling yourself silly and increasing the intensity of the hug.

Ouchy hug – You can’t say enough about the value of a hug after a fall, bump, cut or other ouchy situation. However at the age of 2 -4 a hug is only half the cure often a band-aid is required as well.

The daddy go away hug – Not often give by children under 10 and is never given by children under 3. This is more of a yeah here’s your hug now leave please. Often given by children over 10 who don’t want to be seen with you but can also be given by children as young as 4 when they are involved in something and want to be left alone.

Sometimes there’s just nothing else to do but hug hug – Nuf’ said.

Wife:
Hello and welcome home hug – This hug is usually reserved for when the daddy has been gone on a trip. It is also often given when a daddy returns from a day at work. This hug is give because the wife is happy you are home. This hug can be encouraged by occasionally bringing flowers for no reason what so ever.

The kids are yours hug – This hug indicates that your wife has had a tough day and is ready to kill someone, so take the kids and give me ten minutes to myself while I get it back together. Oh and by the way you probably want to give the kids a bath and put them down and if you really love me you’ll tell me I can go shopping, NOW!

I love you hug – nuf’ said

I need your support hug – These hugs take all forms of administration and vary greatly. It is a fact that as life gets more complicated so do the variances and subtleties in a hug.

The makeup hug – YEAH, this usually leads to make up —. This hug is often accompanied with an I’m sorry by one of the parties. Usually the man.

The “it will be okay hug” – This hug can be administered by either sex although, it is appropriate that it be administered by the male in the relationship more often as a show of support and understanding. This hug will also relieve you of saying something stupid when you don’t know what else to say.

The Just because hug – This hug should be administered often. It feels good hug just because. This hug is also good with the just because flowers.

So remember your hugging folks!  Work on your technique, frequency and timing and we’ll make Holland an even cooler place to be.

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